The First Choice

So not only did I find a job but disability came through. So what do you do? The first logical thing was to run the numbers. So the monthly take home pay from the job would be about $50 more than the social security payment. Add in transportation clothing and the enivitable eating out or snack food purchases and social security would come out ahead. So a done deal right. Well I don't think I am comfortable with not working. Two main ideas stick in my head. One I don't want to remain sick. I don't want to be ill forever. I want to get better to fight this thing. Also there can be much joy found in hard work. I was raised to take full responsibility of what is mine and what I do. So with that in mind I let go of the sure and put my feable brain to the test with work. I was content with the job and what was required of me to complete it. It wasn't stressful and being 3rd shift no management hovering over you. I then received notice that a previous application and interview was accepted and I now had a second job. Choice #2

So many choices...

I have been meaning to begin this post only a dozen or so times. But I received a jolt and some clarity just a few minutes ago, so I feel motivated to type. Work.... This noun or verb is a part of everyone's life. Some go to a building outside of their home, some chase children, others animals, even others may to hours scheming and plotting. The difficulty I have been having with this word as of late is how it should look in my life. I am a mom of 7 growing kids. So right there, there's a ton of work. In my situation I also have to bring in income into the household as well as educate and nurture my brood. The idea alone is sometimes over-whelming. Spiritual guidance, secular guidance, nutrition, medical needs and now add to that outside expectations. Add to this the fact that I suffer from bi-polar disorder with psychotic features. Needles to say my emotional make-up is sometimes a fragile one. But again I have to no choice but to add to the pot. Because of my disorder going into business for myself is not the wisest thing to do. So that leads me to getting a more traditional job in the work place. Last November, my mental condition came crashing in around me. I was completely disabled. I had to stop working and for the next ten months I focused on getting myself healthy and maintaining what I could of a stable environment for the family. My disability was so bad I was recommended for disability (Social Security) benefits. So it was six of those ten months of have a waiting game to see if I would be approved or not. I thought only if I get approved than I can focus on my kids and my health. Well ten months is a long time with no to very little income. Four of these ten months my husband was laid off from his job. So we had enough money to pay rent, one utility bill (out of four)and purchase some household items. There was visits to the food pantry, social service agencies, holes in socks, shoes. Once my husband returned to work we were able to catch up on utilities and pay for most of our basic needs. But still if someone out grew something, not to mention the upcoming school year in which books and supplies would needed to be secured. I began to really see that I needed to get back to work. Crazy or not, if I was a loon at least my kids would eat, right? Slowly I began my job search continuously questioning if this was right. Shortly, after a month or less of looking, I secured a job. Nothing extraordinaire, but something versus nothing is...well...something. I was okay with what I found. I began my training schedule. Not three days into this training, did I get a notice from Social Security stating I had been approved. Choice #1